In cheesy hero movies, you always hear the villain saying, "MWAHAHA, YOU MIGHT AS WELL PLAN YOUR FUNERAL, DISHSOAPMAN!" ..Or something along the lines of that. Personally, I see nothing wrong with planning your own funeral. I mean, a) would you rather a stranger do it for you? b) If you want something done right, do it yourself.

And so, in this entry, I shall plan my very own funeral.

..It sounds strange saying that. xD

Alright, lets see.

I hate how they always play these depressing organ songs about being with God and whatnot. And there's always that big portrait of the dead person. And sometimes they don't even have FOOD! D8 I promise that my funeral will be way better.

First of all, NO DEPRESSING MUSIC. >3> Sure, I just died and technically it's a sad thing (well gee, I hope so) but depressing music isn't going to lift the spirits. The ONE sad song that I want to be played is "If I Die Young" by The Band Perry. I want that to be played when my ashes are being carried in. Which brings me to the next thing.

I don't want to be buried whole. Why? Because I'll just dissolve in to a pile of dirt anyway. Why not go out in dignity and be cremated? Besides, I really like the quote "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust." It just sounds strangely and eerily poetic.

Anyway, FLOWERS! My favourite flowers are daffodils, I want a ton of those. And cupcakes are MANDATORY.

xD This is beginning to sound like a party, but when someone dies, why not look at the cupcake half... not eaten (?) and make the most of it? Well, that's what I want for my funeral anyway. I mean, eventually, grieving just gets old.

But I can't speak from experience as no one really close to me has died. Maybe it would be a good experience. Okay, that came out wrong but I need to feel it, I guess. I will sooner or later. I've always thought that girls in movies, books, and shoujo manga exaggerate when they go, "OHMAGAWD I 'M SO HEARTBROKEN!!!11!!" I mean, it can't be that bad, right?

ANYWAYS. I'm going to write an epic speech that my little brother (who has saved a copy of this and pledged to plan my funeral exactly like I wrote it-- keep in mind, HE'S 10. xD) shall read.

Here goes.

"Dear everyone who has decided to attend this miserable event,

You are hearing this speech presumably because I am dead. Unless Eric decided to be a moron and read this  before I'm dead. So I'm dead. Obviously I'm writing this before I die, but for some reason, I find pleasure in saying that I'm dead. Maybe that's why I keep repeating it. I am dead. Maybe it's just the pure bluntness of the phrase.

Anyway, I'm off topic, like I am always.

I'd just like to take this moment now and thank you for attending this thing. Personally, I kind of find these pointless, these "funerals." But you've all decided to take time off work, video gaming, shopping, school, porn, or whatever it is to come commemorate me and my death. I feel special.

But I'm no one special. I'm just another one of the three billion females in the world. Well, I used to be anyway. Who knows where I am now. Though physically I'm a pile of dust now, if you believe in ghosts and such, I'm probably wandering around College or Bathurst right about now. Or whatever. Maybe I'll be reincarnated into a tree. I've always wanted to be a tree. It's probably boring though. Technically, I wouldn't be able to tell, but... never mind.

I sincerely hope no one's crying right now. You know how much I hate crying. Smile, and talk about the good times. Laugh about my stupid mistakes and reminisce about that time when. Just don't cry. Though that's like asking a dog to quit wagging its tail when he sees food.

Please enjoy my epic funeral. And please, help yourself to some cupcakes."

...Well, I guess that's it. My funeral, planned. Another thing off my list. *smirk*